I Won’t Kick My Stepdaughter Out—But Only If She Obeys My Three Rules

My husband’s 14-year-old daughter recently asked to move in with us. Space is tight—my two children already live here, and there’s no extra bedroom. I agreed, but set three simple conditions to help us all adjust.

First, I asked her to write me a short Sunday note—just a few lines about her week. I thought it would help us connect without pressure.

Second, since we have no spare room, I suggested she rotate monthly between my daughter’s room, my son’s room, and the couch. It felt like a fair compromise, but she saw it as a sign she wasn’t really wanted.

The third request was for her to share something personal with the household—like cooking dinner once a week or introducing a hobby. I hoped it would help her feel like part of the family.

Instead, she sobbed, saying I was testing her, not welcoming her. My husband’s furious. My stepdaughter won’t speak to me. I only wanted her to feel included, not evaluated.

Now everything feels broken. Did I get it all wrong?

How do I fix this without making her feel even more unwelcome?